When Friends Don't Understand Your Invisible Illness: What to Do

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When Friends Don't Understand Your Invisible Illness: What to Do

Author: LisaCopen Total views: 8 Word Count: 638

Living with a chronic illness that has no visual signs can be more of an emotional struggle than a physical struggle at times. Accepting one's own illness is a step that most people come to terms with it at some point; because, in order to have the best life one can, one needs to be educated on the disease and treat it to the best of his or her ability.

But we have no control over our loved ones when they choose not to accept our illness, or sometimes even acknowledge it. Their skepticism can last a lifetime and damage our self-worth and many relationships.

So, what you do when someone important in your life refuses to acknowledge the seriousness of your disease, or accept that the disease even exists? Here are four steps to change your actions and attitudes:

1. Go with it. Your life feels very serious right now, but don't take your situation too seriously when around your friend. Unfortunately there is not a magical talk you can have that will make him instantly change his mind about your health situation. Most likely, the only way for him to rethink his perception of your illness is for him to observe you and your typical activities. Though your illness may be invisible, he may start to witness some visible symptoms. Perhaps you may have some new limitations, like being unable to walk a long distance; and rather than explaining what you can and cannot do, he might just see it.

2. Grow with it. This situation can be a perfect time to reflect on your own perceptions of people. Have you ever stood in line at the bank and thought yourself, "No one here understands how difficult it is to just stand in this slow line!" But nearly 1 in two people in the USA have a chronic illness, so the chances are high that someone standing beside you does understand. Remember that 96% of illnesses are invisible, so watch your assumptions. What situations are your friends going through that you don't fully grasp? The affair of a spouse, a baby born with a disability, and the loss of a job, are all experiences that can alter one's life in an instant. Chances are that your friends can use your support and even empathy.

3. Get over it. Don't obsess over the fact that no one knows what your daily life is like. We would all like those closest to us to be able to slip inside are skin for just twenty-four hours, but that level of understanding will never occur. Don't allow your resentment of this fact taint your relationships. And don't take it personally, despite how personal it feels. It is not your job to change someone's mind. You only have control over your own behavior so make sure you can be proud of how you handle the conversations.

4. Get on with it. No material things in this world can replace relationships you have. If a loved one doesn't acknowledge your illness, it's true that the depth of your friendship will never be what it could be. But if the relationship is healthy in other ways, and one worth saving, you can keep it.

The odds are that in time your friend will eventually have his own health crisis, and have some level of understanding about what you have faced on a daily basis. He may even turn to you for advice. Be supportive and encouraging. Don't say "I told you so."

Go with it. Grow with it. Get over it. Get on with it.

You can have relationships with those who don't understand the depth of your illness. Just accept the person for what he can give at the moment and have reasonable expectations for the relationship. In time, it may prove to be one of your most precious friendships.

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About the Author

Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen, just subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded of Invisible Illness Week

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